I did it..

I did it.. I went to you gig.

I went to your gig.. I feel like being in a korean drama.

Sitting there, as you played. I went in at the time when your showcase had started. I didn't not even tell the counter my name, I know you did reserved a place for me, and had special discount drink prices for me.

I know you will have the best spot for me, but I did not want to let you see me. Since our convo that day went.. slightly off the way. I have no more guts to face you, for now.

不能愛你，是我很無奈的事。我們的忙碌和有緣無份是你和我沒有辦法在一起。想和你說，你昨晚很棒！對你的愛，我會默默埋在心裏。我不應該讓你知道我對你的愛。朋友14年，最近才發現我對你的愛不再是友誼。當年你對我說了同樣的話，我當時沒辦法回應，就像你現在的無奈。


我了。。我會默默支持你，在你沒發現我的角落，做在那裏靜靜聼你彈吉他。


你很棒，只是我沒有福氣讓你用力外的身份留在我的身邊。

7 years.. and I still miss her everyday.

7 years.. since she left us.. yet everyday, I still think of her...

To think about times, we would argue, yet times where she will be there to pat me to sleep..

Everytime I hear this song.. I just can't help crying... and my heart simply aches when I think of her.. I really miss her...

Heaviness of the ♥.

A friend of mine, KT, just broke up with her boyfriend of 12 years..

I knew her the same year I knew my friend, J.

J was my secondary school mate and today (16th), she is going to be married to J (her bf) of also 12 years..

How ironic is that.

KT asked me how did I managed to get through heartache, as this is her first. She had knew her bf, L, in secondary school too.

I told her, for me, it differs greatly on each of the relationship I had over the years.

For J, it took me a good 1 year plus to let him go. I remember my friend, D, was telling me to go read the book, it's call a breakup because it's broken. And given my character, I just got to realise over the recent years, I tell myself I have to be strong, and maybe due to the fact of my troubled secondary school years, I have built up a defensive wall around me. Whereas for K, I think I have said this one too many times, that it was weird, because 1.5 years of relationship compared to 4 months of relationship with J, but it took me only 3-4 months to get over him.

I told her I do things that can take my mind off the pain. I remember I read, read and read.. Time flies when you just read. I also cook and bake.. Mummy understood that was my way of relieving the pain.. I run and cry at the same time. At dawn, before the first light breaks through.. No one can see my tears and I remember at those times, I was sensitive to light and daylight. Brightness meant positiveness and that was the last thing I want to think about.

KT is really inconsolable.. She said she never felt so alone.. She don't know what's it like to go out shopping alone, have a meal alone, or even go to work alone. She and L were like super glue, or at least to us friends.. He ferries her to work, he is always there for her. As to why the breakup, I have not gotten the courage to ask her yet.

A 8  12 year relationship.. compare to my 1.5 year and 4 months relationship, I think I am able to know that my heartache is nothing compared to hers. Seeing her now, all I can do as a friend, is to hug and give tissues and just be there for her and have to make sure that she does stay sane. God bless her!

I will be happy.. Must be happy.

我要快乐我要能睡的安稳
有些人不抱了才温暖
离开了才不恨 我早应该割舍
我要快乐 哪怕笑的再大声
心不是热的 全都是假的
只有眼泪是真的

面对你的时候 我不会舍不得 因为你已是过客...


想起你的时候 我不是卑微的 反而我没有遗憾 因为我已深深的爱过你

why do i cry? why do i have to let tears fill my sight?


why do i have to be so angry? i want to let all this these negative emotions go... 


the old don't go, the new will never come. that's what i believe.


i know God loves me, thus He is doing this for the sake of my happiness...


because God does things for you out of love, although you may not understand why He do that to you at times. 

I love her..

We met 6-7 years ago.. Had a common friend, whom in the end we both lost contact with.. But we stayed close since then.. It was really amazing.. I thought she hated me cause of that common friend, with whom she was having some issues with. Then we got talking.. And we exchanged msn accounts.. and as they say, the rest is history.. 

We laugh over the stupidest things... We stand by each other when the other one is sad or going through problems.. We make time for each other.. We share the same interest.. Do we hate each other? Hmm.. Well at least I know I don't.. Haha! Not yet.. Hope not.. 

Anyway, she was very nice to treat me to a session of KTV for my birthday.. Although we were meant to go to USS, but you owe me one sister.. hahaha!

I love her and maybe as a protective sister, to L, if you dare to bully her again, I will kick you to outer space! 

Joanne Tong, I love you! XD